


I Can Get You on the Naughty List

by ceealaina



Series: Postcards on the Ceiling [2]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff and Smut, Gratuitous Use of Terrible Christmas Sex Puns, Hand Jobs, M/M, Snark
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-06 03:22:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1101799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ceealaina/pseuds/ceealaina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little Christmas fic set before the events of Postcards on the Ceiling. Fíli and Kíli exchange Christmas gifts. And then have sex. This can be read as a standalone.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Can Get You on the Naughty List

Fíli grunted as a solid weight landed on his stomach, jolting him from sleep. Groaning, he opened his eyes to see sparkling brown ones directly in front of him. 

 

"Jesus, Kíli," he muttered, trying to roll over. 

 

"No, no, no," Kíli protested. "No going back to sleep! It's Christmas Eve!"

 

"Exactly why we  _should_  go back to sleep," Fíli replied with closed eyes. "We have to spend all day tomorrow doing family stuff. I want to sleep in."

 

"But Fíli! That's exactly it! Tomorrow is family Christmas but today is our Christmas, and I don't want to waste it. Besides." He grinned, rocking his hips absently on top of his brother. "I want to know what you got me."

 

Fíli cracked an eye open, grinning despite himself. "Maybe I didn't get you anything good."

 

Kíli arched his eyebrows and then his grin turned wicked before he shifted forward, nuzzling the sensitive skin beneath Fíli's ear. "Mmmm," he purred. "Then I'll just have to take you as my present instead."

 

Fíli snorted at that, ignoring his body's response to the tone of Kíli's voice as he shoved him off. "Okay, fine," he said, laughing as Kíli rolled along the mattress. "I'm up.” He caught a quick flash of Kíli’s bright grin before his brother’s head was disappearing off the side of the bed. Fíli let himself ogle the perky ass in front of him while Kíli rummaged around on the floor, popping back up a moment later with a box in hand. 

 

“Merry Christmas, Fee.” 

 

Fíli grinned back at him before remembering that his own present was hidden in the closet. Grumbling under his breath, he relinquished the warmth of the blankets he was wrapped in, hurrying across the room. The cool air had goosebumps popping up on his bare legs, and once he had the neatly wrapped box, he hurried back over, diving beneath the blankets with Kíli. 

 

The tradition had started after they had gotten their place together. Christmas Day was always a big family thing, extended relations all running around and not a moment to yourself to be found. So Fíli and Kíli had started taking Christmas Eve for themselves, refusing to go out if they didn’t have to and sharing kisses in front of the fireplace. They didn’t want to spoil Christmas completely, but they usually exchanged one gift between them, something silly just to keep in the Christmas mood. 

 

"Gimme gimme!" Kíli whined, bouncing a little as he sat up against the headboard. Fíli rolled his eyes, but when he went to pass Kíli his present, Kíli knocked his hand away. "No wait! Open mine first."

 

"Such a child," Fíli grumbled, but he was laughing as he unfastened the poorly wrapped package. "Did you use an entire roll of scotch tape?"

 

"Eat me," Kíli replied, and Fíli waggled his eyebrows at him before pulling the box inside open. 

 

"Aww, thanks Kíli. I needed new pajamas pants." Fíli pulled them free of the box, taking in the little Christmas tree and present patterns as Kíli cackled beside him. 

 

"I saw them in a window display and couldn't resist. They reminded me of you."

 

Fíli gave him a strange look at that statement, but leaned over to give him a kiss anyway, pushing his own, neatly wrapped gift at his brother. "Your turn."

 

Kíli dug into the paper, tearing into it with both hands, and blinked as he pulled out a very fancy looking wooden box. "The fuck Fíli? How much did you spend?" 

 

Fíli refused to answer, watching as Kíli opened the box and dug through the paper inside, finally coming up with a card. "Read it!" he proclaimed gleefully. 

 

Side-eyeing his brother, Kíli looked the card over. "Good for one... Blow job?!" He read incredulously. "From Fíli. Redeemable at the time and location of your choosing. You  _shithead_ ," he declared, giving Fíli a hard shove and sending his laughing brother sprawling onto his side. "And after I put so much thought into yours."

 

Fíli snorted. "Oh yes, I can tell. What, did you get them last night?" He laughed as Kíli just pouted at him. "Hey no, come on." He made grabby hands at Kíli, getting hold of his waist and tugging him into his lap. "I just wanted to get you something I knew you'd like.”

 

Kíli glared at him a moment longer before his smile won out and he laughed. “Aw baby,” he teased, grabbing at Fíli and tugging him in for a sloppy kiss. “You always know just what to get me.” Fíli snorted as he turned to kiss Kíli properly, the two of them melting into each other as the kiss deepened. Fíli’s eyes fell shut, hands sliding up Kíli’s muscled chest as he scratched his fingers through the thick hair there, grinning when Kíli purred against his lips at the sensation. He was hardly aware of the two of them sliding lower on the bed until he was flat on his back, Kíli looming over him and half draped over Fíli’s body. Fíli shifted his leg and Kíli’s breath hitched as his half hard cock dragged over a thick thigh.

 

“You know,” Fíli pointed out, more than a little breathless himself. “That certificate can be redeemed any time. Even…” He trailed off with a low groan, eyes rolling back and thought momentarily lost as Kíli moved against him just right. “Even now,” he managed after a moment. 

 

“But Fíli,” Kíli protested in mock innocence, the pretence ruined by the way he was marking up Fíli’s neck. “It’s a Christmas present! I can’t use it before Christmas.” 

 

“I think… I think that since we’re opening these presents today, we can bend the rules a bit,” Fíli pointed out. 

 

Kíli pulled away from his brother’s neck, sitting up just enough to grin down at Fíli. “Are you saying you want to get your mouth on my dick?” he asked, laughing when Fíli gave a greedy nod. “Well, that does have some appeal,” he admitted, rocking their hips together lazily. “I don’t know though,” he added, nipping at the corner of Fíli’s lip. “It does say it’s redeemable at  _any_  time. I might like to save it. You never know when something might… Come up.” He gave another hard thrust of his hips, and Fíli groaned half at the shock of pleasure and half at the terrible joke. 

 

“What would you…  _ah_ … Save it for?” he panted, arching his neck to give Kíli a real kiss. “Isn’t now as good a time as any?”

 

“Naw,” Kíli decided. “I think I want to save it. Maybe the next time you drag me to one of those business events, when you’re wearing one of those suits I just want to tear you out of. When Thorin’s not looking I can drag you into a dark corner and redeem it then.” He grinned when Fíli’s cheeks flushed with want, kissing him hard. “Yeah,” he decided. “I think I’ll save it.”

 

“That… That works,” Fíli agreed, swallowing hard. 

 

"Mmmm, also," Kíli purred against his lips.

 

"Yeah?" Fíli whispered back a little breathlessly, chasing more kisses. 

 

"It snowed in the night, and it's your turn to shovel!" Cackling loudly, Kíli leapt from the bed and took off downstairs, leaving Fíli to curse his brother.

 

By the time he came in an hour later, Fíli was freezing cold and his jeans were soaked through. Kíli was waiting with huge mugs of hot chocolate for them both, and Fíli gave him a quick kiss before dashing upstairs to change. The pajama pants Kíli had gifted him were still lying on the bed, looking soft and warm, and Fíli grinned before tugging them on. Tying his hair back, he jogged quickly to join his brother in the living room, where Kíli had thrown pillows on the floor in front of the fire. Fíli gave a happy groan as he sank down beside him, curling into Kíli’s side and snatching a cookie off the plate Kíli had brought out. 

 

“You so owe me,” he said. “I’m getting too old for this shit. I’ve got a backache.” 

 

“Awww,” Kíli teased. “Poor baby. If you’d just let me get a snow blower like I keep asking.”

 

Fíli snorted. “I am  _not_  getting you a snowblower. I can only imagine what limb you’d manage to cut off.” 

 

Kíli rolled his eyes, grumbling about Fíli having no faith in him, but his hands moved to rub over his brother’s back, working out the kinks and aches that had built up. He was grinning wide at the happy little noises Fíli was making, and couldn’t help leaning in to press gentle kisses to the back of Fíli neck from time to time. The room was warm and cozy, fire crackling and an old Christmas movie playing quietly in the background. The hot chocolate had the perfect temperature too, warming Fíli up from the inside out, and with Kíli’s perfect touches against his back, it didn’t take long before he was dozing contently.

 

He woke up again to find his head in Kíli’s lap and cookie crumbs tickling his face. Wrinkling his nose, he opened his eyes and blinked up at Kíli, who was munching on a gingerbread cookie with his eyes focused on the television. He had yet to notice Fíli was awake, and Fíli smirked before reaching up and snatching the rest of the cookie from Kíli’s mouth, making him yelp in protest. 

 

“Sorry kiddo,” Fíli laughed, rolling out of the way of Kíli’s swat and shoving the cookie into his mouth. “Too slow.” 

 

Kíli just pouted as Fíli sat up to give him a kiss. “I had more cookies, you know. I was  _going_  to share.” 

 

Fíli rolled his eyes and nipped Kíli’s lower lip teasingly before pulling away again. The fire had died down, and he got up to toss another log on, poking at it until it was bright and crackling again. He shivered without Kíli’s body heat pressed against his back and hurried back over, snuggling into his brother with his back against Kíli’s chest. He grinned when strong arms wrapped around him, holding him in place, and tipped his head back to give Kíli a sloppy kiss on his jaw. 

 

“Merry Christmas, Kee,” he hummed absently, staring at the fire. 

 

“Mmmm… Merry Christmas,” Kíli answered, nosing behind Fíli’s ear and pressing soft kisses against the sensitive skin. His knees bent, legs bracketing Fíli's body. Fíli just smirked, pretending not to notice as Kíli’s hand slipped down his body and ran over his thighs.

 

"What do you think Mom got us for Christmas this year?" he asked instead -their favourite guessing game.

 

"I don't know," Kíli answered absently. "You sure you've been a good boy this year, Fíli?"

 

Fíli huffed out a soft laugh, squirming a little as Kíli's choice of words sent heat flaring through him. "I've tried," he said, licking his lips when Kíli's long fingers rubbed circles over the inside of his thighs. "Kind of hard, with you trying to lead me astray all the time."

 

 “Lead you astray?" Kíli repeated indignantly before laughing. "Are you saying I can get you on the naughty list,” he purred, and Fíli snorted with laughter.

 

"Uh, yeah. Sure," he replied, the words trailing into a soft moan as Kíli's hand slid up his thigh.

 

Kíli laughed, well aware that Fíli wasn’t paying attention to him, and he dragged his fingers closer and closer to where Fíli really wanted them. “Hey, Fee? The only place I want to be is underneath your Christmas tree.”

 

“I- what?” Fíli asked, before groaning softly as Kíli’s hand shifted to rub over his balls, dragging soft flannel over the sensitive skin. “Aw, fuck Kíli,” he muttered, eyes falling shut and head tipping back on Kíli’s shoulder.

 

Fíli’s hips ground back rubbing against Kíli's own interested cock, and Kíli’s breath hitched, next words a little strained. “I’d like to wrap you up,” he declared, absently rubbing at Fíli’s dick through the pajama pants.

 

“What… what are you talking about?” Fíli managed to ask as his fingers curled into fists against Kíli’s legs.

 

“Aw, Fíli.” Kíli put on his best hurt expression. “Do you mean you didn’t even look at the gift I gave you?”

 

“What?” Fíli asked again, mind slow and lazy with pleasure, and he whined when Kíli stopped his ministrations entirely, pulling his hand away.

 

“You dork,” he teased lightly. “Look at them.”

 

Blinking through the haze of his pleasure, it took Fíli a moment to focus on what was Kíli was telling him to do, and finally actually look at his new pajama pants. He couldn’t help his groan of exasperation when he realized that all the sayings Kíli had been muttering at him were, in fact, printed into the fabric on his legs. “You’re such an idiot,” he grumbled, biting his lip when Kíli huffed out a laugh against the back of his neck.

 

“Told you they reminded me of you,” he said, entirely too pleased with himself. Fíli opened his mouth to retort, but Kíli cut him off by palming his dick through his pajama pants once more, pulling a low moan from his brother’s lips instead. “I think they were a good buy,” he continued, grinding his own cock against Fíli’s back. “Gave me all sorts of ideas.”

 

Fíli let out a shaky breath, hips rocking into Kíli’s touch. “Oh yeah?” he questioned, a soft whine slipping past his lips as Kíli pressed just a little harder. “Like what?”

 

Kíli grinned, beginning to tease Fíli in earnest as his free hand moved to trace over one of the phrases. “'Put me on top,’” he read, a wicked grin splitting his lips. “Would you like that, Fíli? Like me to wrap you up and put you on top?”

 

Fíli gasped sharply, grinding back against his brother before rocking up into his touch. “Kíli, please,” he ground out, hand closing around Kíli’s wrist as he desperately tried to increase the pressure.

 

Taking pity on his brother, Kíli slipped his hand beneath the waistband and closed it around Fíli’s erection. Fíli let out a soft cry, and Kíli grinned; he knew Fíli’s body better than his own by now, and wasted no time in jerking him off just the way he knew Fíli liked. His hand formed an almost painfully tight fist around his brother, and Fíli whined, his breath coming in short, harsh puffs against the side of Kíli’s neck. Kíli began to jerk him off slow and firm, Fíli’s hand still closed around his wrist. Every third pass or so he would dig his thumb in beneath the head, and smirk at the resulting sob from his brother. Fíli was putty in his hands, chest heaving and body tense with pleasure. He was desperate and needy, pleas for more falling from his lips, and Kíli couldn’t help but comply. 

 

“Would you?” he persisted, sucking a mark into Fíli’s neck. “I could tie your wrists - behind your back maybe. Let you ride me, watch you squirm as you try to get yourself off…” He could tell Fíli was getting close, and he pulled his hand away, leaving him without stimulation for a too long moment. “Would you like that, Fíli?”

 

“Yes!” Fíli cried out. “Yes, fuck, anything.” He jerked his hips in short little thrusts, trying to find more friction again. “Please, Kíli. Anything you want. Just touch me again.”

 

Kíli beamed and then his hand was closing around Fíli once more, jerking him off until he was spilling over his fist with a strangled cry. Fíli melted against Kíli’s chest, breathing hard, and Kíli pulled his hand free, unceremoniously wiping it clean on Fíli’s shirt and laughing at his half hearted attempts to bat him way.

 

“Shit,” Fíli muttered when he could breath again. “You sure know how to wish someone a merry Christmas.”

 

Kíli cackled at that. “Aw Fee. If you really think that was your merry Christmas, you don’t know me at all.” He pulled away, standing up and hauling a slightly unsteady Fíli to his feet after him. “Come on, you,” he declared with a  ridiculous eyebrow waggle. “Let’s go to bed.” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I should mention that the pajama pants on question DO exist. I own them. They were a Christmas present last year from my brother who, like Fíli, obviously did not really look at them.


End file.
